Rocks well up in my eyes...

...trying to force back these tears.  Have you ever been so close to revealing something about your life that could change your life forever?  And not only your life, but the life of your whole family and their families?

I had to face the devil.  I know the devil can't be all wrong.  The devil helps us weed out the bad.  So we should actually be thanking the devil instead of fearing him.  He's basically on our side. 

Still, this isn't about identifying the personality traits of the devil.  This was about being able to embrace him with open arms and seeing the world through others' eyes. 

I grabbed my cheap keychain that I bought from Family Dollar and headed for the door.  It was a cool keychain.  It had the letter F on it and I always thought it stood for "fuck" because I use that word the most of any other word out there.  "Fuck" I said out loud.  "How appropriate."

As I drove to the place where I knew time stood still, I passed the old house we used to live in.  It had burned down and now there was a gas station there.  Apparently the house fire was "mysterious" my mom told me.  I chalked it up to God trying to make up for not being there for me when I pleaded for his help in that house.  It was his way of telling me he was sorry.  He can't rid the memories, but he can rid the house I guess. 

I pulled onto the gravel driveway that made my tires sound like they were about to pop any minute.  Knowing my luck, there is probably a sharp piece of glass that's going to rupture my tire and then I'll be stuck here forever.  I stopped and stared at the house.  The wrap around porch to the front door looked way too long like a five-minute hallway.  "Fucking go" I kept singing in my head.  "Cause I've done what I could for you.  And I do know what's good for me."  Thanks Fiona. 

Step by step, the knot in my stomach hurt more and more to the point where I felt like a body builder with the tightest 6-pack tummy ever known to man.  I stopped.  I breathed in.  Breathed out.  Closed my eyes and invisioned the warriors who crossed this land hundreds of years ago.  Clearly their battle was much harder than mine. 

Time to go face the devil. 

David has a message for me...

...but it comes with a price. Complete trust. "Look at me," David asked me. I glanced up. "No, look in my eyes," he insisted. His eyes were green and brown. How odd I thought. I guess that's what you'd consider hazel?

"I know what happens in this dream," David said. "My dream lasted longer than just the gas station."

Wait, this can't be a dream then. A vision maybe?

"The old indian man told me that dark forces were on the way. He said to keep an eye on the girl. I didn't know who he meant until now. But he meant you," he went on to say.

But what does that mean?

"There are demons you must uncover from your past. If you shed the dark layers of your existence, the light will come forth."

I was starting to feel sick to my stomach. I knew what this meant. And I only hoped that David didn't know.

But David said, "I know what this means. I'm sorry to have seen this in my dream. I'm sorry what happened to you."

Oh fuck. I closed my eyes so tightly that all I saw was black and wished opening my eyes would reveal that this too was a dream.

"So where do I begin?" I asked out loud.

David shrugged his rounded shoulders. "If I were you, and I'm not, don't take this the wrong way. But if I were you, I'd start at the source."

"David, I've been through this before," I said. I looked up to the clouds with a nod to David. "He wasn't there for me when I was little so what difference does it make now?"

But then I realized, this isn't about religion. This is about my voice. A sense of empowerment came over me along with fear, anxiety, and complete sadness.

"Ok," I said. And that's all David needed to hear.